All Em, All the Time
by Rainymonday89
Summary: Emily hung up the phone and brought her fingers to her lips—a slight tingle still resonating on their surface.  'Well I certainly didn't see that one coming.'  Emily and Paige may not have "chemistry" but they certainly have something...
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I know a lot of you are devoted Emily/Maya supporters, and out of respect for that story line I promise that I will not turn Emily into a cheater. While I am absolutely in love with the dynamic between Emily and Paige, I'll be sure to clear up the Maya in the room before I allow anything romantic to happen between the girls…

Also, I know I have a poor track record with updating at a timely pace, but this story will be different… so stick with me : )

Oh, and I don't own anything. Credit where credit is due.

"Paige, it's me again… Please call me back… We need to talk. And… I'm worried about you." She hesitated, regretting how desperate that last part must have sounded. "Just… call me, please."

Emily hung up the phone and brought her fingers to her lips—a slight tingle still resonating on their surface. _Well I certainly didn't see that one coming._ After their confrontation in the locker room, she knew that something was off with Paige McCullers, but she never really expected this. _How long has she felt this way about me?_ For a moment, the brunette felt a tinge of sadness for the other girl. She knew what it was like to struggle with something so confusing. She knew what it was like to fight all of that pain and loneliness with stolen kisses. She knew. Memories flashed into Emily's mind, plaguing her with contradicting feelings. The library was desperate. The photo booth was breathtaking. And now, the car… what was the car? Shocking? Harsh? Unexpected? _Explosive?_

_Did I really just describe my kiss with Paige McCullers as explosive?_

While in that moment, her initial reaction had been complete shock, Emily couldn't shake the image of Paige's mouth, inches from her own face, breathing out shallow and intoxicating breaths. But it was the look in the redhead's eyes that spoke volumes. _She really wanted me._

Was it possible that Emily wanted her too? _Or do I still want someone else?_

With one last glance at her dormant phone she gathered her composure, slid out of her car, and made her way up the walk to the front door. Her mother was standing at the sink nursing her dampened face when Emily came through the kitchen door behind her.

"Hi, Mom."

"Hi s..sweetie." The stutter in the older woman's voice shattered an otherwise stoic exterior. She turned and smiled gently at her daughter—an offering of peace after weeks of unresolved torment.

"Is everything ok? I was expecting you home much sooner."

The young girl paused—but only long enough for her to offer a smile back.

"Yeah, mom. I just ran into a friend in the parking lot before I left." She waited for her mother's nod of approval before continuing on, "I'm kind of exhausted. Can we talk about everything tomorrow?"

"Sure, sweetie. That's fine."

Shrugging off the blatant disappointment in her mother's voice, Emily said good night and made her long trek up the stairs to her bedroom. The swimmer had barely changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt before she buried her head in pillow and slipped into a restless fit of sleep.

Only thirty minutes had elapsed when Emily recognized an irritating noise manifesting from her night table. _I can't wait to hear what 'A' has to say about this. _Relief overwhelmed her as she read over the content of the text.

'fine, let's talk. –Paige'

Unsure of how to proceed, Emily responded with a neutral message. 'ok, where?'

'knock, knock? –Paige'

She smiled at the unintended dry humor of the other girl and climbed out of her bed slipping on her jacket and shoes and left the safety of her cozy room behind.

As she cautiously made her way down the stairs, the sight at the bottom froze her dead in her tracks. Her mother was reaching for the door and pulled it open before she even had a chance to analyze what was happening.

"How dare you even _think_ about coming near _my _Emily!" Her mother's words were harsh, and she knew that they would leave a mark on the broken girl cowering on her porch. Ignoring the last few steps and leaping to the bottom, Emily caught the tail end of Paige's retreat down off the porch.

"No, Paige, wait."

"Emily?" Her mother's confusion was warranted.

With desperation well beyond her young heart she pleaded with the women, "Please, Mom. Just let me handle this, ok?"

While her support had been rocky at times, Pam Fields trusted her daughter's instincts. She knew that, in this moment, any hope of reconciliation with Emily would be shattered by one more hasty decision.

"We'll talk about this later," Mrs. Fields informed her as she retreated to the kitchen.

Shutting the door behind her, Emily wrapped a comforting arm around Paige's waist and walked her to the still warm car in the driveway.

"C'mon, let's go for a drive."


	2. Chapter 2

Many thanks to the wonderful readers and reviewers that took precious time out of their day to give me feedback. Without that response it's extremely difficult to continue with a story. So let me know if you have any suggestions or criticisms.

Unfortunately, updates may take time, and they will not be daily. I am in college and I do, occasionally, have to study and do work. I hope you accept my lengthy 2nd chapter as a thank you for your devotion to this story. I poured my heart into it tonight. It is my gift to you.

My thanks also go to YT user fuzzle15 for creating an Emily/Paige fanvid that introduced me to the song **"Poison and Wine" **by** The Civil Wars.** I highly suggest you either watch the video or listen to the song before you read this. I listened to it while writing it and I mention it in the chapter. Trust me… it will put you in the perfect mood for reading about love 3

Cheers

* * *

Each girl took staggering breaths, intentionally preventing their breathing from falling in sync with one another. There was something far too intimate about functioning biologically at the same moment in time. Yet despite their every effort, their breaths still shared the same air. In this moment—they were still together. They were present in each other's lives, and consequently, they were affecting one another—in the most beautiful way. Emily loosened her grip on the steering wheel, blaming her sweaty palms on the tension of driving in the dark. Paige rolled down the window ever so slightly, implying that the rising temperature inside the car was a function of Emily's inability to understand the heat settings, rather than her own nervous state.

Apart from the occasionally whir of an oncoming car, the passing moments were met with relative silence. Yet the silence transcended any awkward notion, and it was more appreciated than not. The real culprit of the uncomfortable aura was the emotional dichotomy that flooded the hearts of the two girls. The instant Paige allowed Emily to lead her to the passenger side of the car she regretted it. Emily was so intimidating. Yet, the redhead couldn't think of any other place in this world that she would rather be. For Emily is was a far different battle. Her feelings for her fellow teammate were suddenly overshadowed by her broken heart still aching for her physically, and now, emotionally distant girlfriend… or ex-girlfriend, really. Honestly, Emily had no idea where she stood in Maya's eyes. She was the first girl that had ever really loved her back. You never forget your first…

Paige's hand instinctively reached for the power button on the car stereo.

"Let's see what kind of sappy main-stream crap you listen to, Fields."

Yet the sounds that filled the car were a surprise to other girl. A slow melodic piano intro led into the unmistakably beautiful harmony of a male and female voice. It was relaxing and it was invigorating,

I don't love you but I always will.

Two seemingly independent hearts began to beat faster, creating their own sense of harmony.

I don't love you but I always will

_I don't actually LOVE Emily Fields, do I?_

I don't love you but I always will

_I certainly don't LOVE Paige, do I?_

She wanted to hate Paige McCullers. Oh, how she desperately wanted to hate her… but she couldn't. Because Emily knew that somewhere deep down in her fragile heart, she loved that girl. She loved her brokenness. She loved her vulnerability. She loved her because Emily loved herself. And looking at Paige, all Emily Fields could see was her own, lonely past.

She could hate her for being a bitch. She could hate her for trying to drown her own sexuality by literally threatening to drown Emily. But, at the end of the day, Emily couldn't hate Paige for the feelings that were in her heart. She was in pain—the same pain that had plagued Emily for years, and it was her duty to love this girl in the best way that she knew how. Maybe they would just stay friends. Maybe it could one day be more. But for now, all she could do was be present.

After the song had ended, Emily took the opportunity to make a judgment call.

"I think it's about time we head back."

Confused and possibly hurt, Paige whispered, "I thought you wanted to talk"

"It can wait."

"So what was tonight all about then?"

Emily took a moment to gather her thoughts into the most honest but gentle answer that she could fathom. "I just wanted you to know that I care about you."

"Why?" Her inquiry was blunt, and it was Emily's turn to be confused.

"Why do I want you to know? Or why do I care about you?

"Both… I guess"

She took an even lengthier moment to gather her thoughts again and began, "I don't know—maybe because I get it." She paused to glance over at Paige then returned her eyes to the road.

"I get what it's like to have overbearing parents. I get what's it's like to hate yourself for the way that you feel. I get it. And so I care about you. You should know that."

Seconds ticked away as neither girl was sure about pushing this further. Finally, Paige broke the silence. "Even though you don't want to talk about it, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What about the kiss?" The question caused Emily to shift uncomfortably from the other side of the car.

"Well…you are a really good kisser." She shot a coy glance over to Paige.

The young girl felt a blush rise up from deep inside her. _I can't believe Emily Fields thinks that I'm a good kisser. _"That's not what I meant, Fields. I meant what about _us_?"

The brunette exhaled deeply through her nose and reached to turn the volume on her stereo down.

"Listen, Paige. It's complicated, ok." Her words were gentle and vulnerable. "I still don't know where I stand with my girlfriend… or ex-girlfriend… or whatever. And, so, that kind of puts me in a position where I certainly couldn't give you the type of relationship that you deserve. Not to mention… we're sort of dysfunctional."

With that last line Paige failed to stifle a snort the escaped from her nose. "Yeah, we are sort of dysfunctional, aren't we?"

Emily grinned in relief as Paige continued, "So… friends?"

"I'd like that."

Another comfortable silence fell over them as they pondered the true consequences of their new pact.

"So, would you like me to take you home?"

Emily was met with an awkward hesitation, and she could have sworn that she saw a tear form in the other girl's eye.

"Paige, what's wrong?" She asked concerned. But Emily knew what the problem was. _How can I make her go home to such an awful father, especially after all that we've been through tonight?_

Unsure of how to articulate her offer, Emily opted for the straightforward route, "You're coming home with me tonight."

"What about your mom?" The unavoidable question.

"Just let me take care of that, ok." But how was she going to explain this one to her mom. _This might push her trust too far…_

* * *

When they arrived home, Pam Fields had long been asleep. The night was an emotionally exhausting one, and she trusted that her daughter would find herself safely home.

Emily put her finger to her lips in an effort to silence the other girl as they made their way up the stairs. However, the darkened hallway proved to be a challenge for the newcomer and she tripped on almost every other step. Without a second thought, or really, even a first thought, Emily reached for Paige's hand and led her into the unknown, never letting go of her grip on the now trembling girl.

Desperately trying to suppress the fantasy-esque nature of the moment, Paige focused on not causing too much noise in the sleeping house. Yet, she couldn't help the slight gasp that escaped from her lips when she felt Emily's mouth near her ear.

"If you trip one more time, I'm going to hog-tie you and carry you over my shoulder the rest of the way."

The implications of being tied up by Emily Fields and the don't-make-me-throw-you-over-my-shoulder glare that accompanied the girl's words warranted the adorably devious grin that emerged on Paige's face.

_Dear sweet Jesus, I'm flirting with Paige McCullers._

When they arrived in Emily's room, Paige took a moment to quickly scan the room for a deeper look into the soul of the girl that stole her heart. But this was not the time to look like a creeper, and she made a mental note to take a closer look when she was alone in the room.

As if reading her mind, Emily took the opportunity to discuss the sleeping arrangements for that evening.

"Ok, so, you can have my bed and I'm going to go sleep downstairs on the couch. Please don't object, and please don't feel like you're putting me out of my bed, because I want you to be as comfortable as possible." Emily's words seemed so desperate…

_Oh Emily, I'd be more comfortable if I was sleeping in your arms._

Emily had a feeling that Paige had never been afforded the opportunity to fall asleep in the arms of someone that cared about her, but unfortunately, this was not the time to offer that comfort.

"It's not that I don't feel comfortable sleeping with you, Paige. It's just… my mom is still pretty weird about this whole gay thing…well… and the whole _you_ thing."

_Is she reading my mind?_

"…And I'm pretty sure she would freak out real bad if she found us in bed together tomorrow morning. And then breakfast would be _really_ awkward."

Paige grinned at Emily's attempt to lighten the mood.

"Why don't you go get ready while I make up my bed down stairs. There are shorts and t-shirts in the 2nd drawer, an extra toothbrush in the closet in the bathroom, and if you need anything else just ask. I'll come check on you before I go to bed." Emily gracefully slipped out of the room before Paige could even close her gaping mouth

_Why is she being so damn nice to me?_

It only took Paige a few minutes to get ready for bed and find her way under the covers. She took this opportunity to resume her investigation of the room. It was simple enough, but Paige could see a deeper meaning behind the order. This was Emily's sanctuary. This was where she escaped her family and escaped the cruelest parts of the world. And for the first time in an extremely long while, Paige felt safe here in Emily's bed.

Emily knocked lightly on the door and when no response was heard she simply slipped back into her room. The sight before her caused her breath to catch. There was something about the way that Paige looked in her bed that made it seem like she belonged there. The revelation was a shocking one.

Gathering her wits, Emily made her way over to her bed and slowly sat down on the mattress next to Paige.

"Paige, are you asleep?"

Silence.

"Paige, I know you're not asleep."

"Fine, Fields, what do you want?" The girl sarcastically threw out as she turned to face her new friend.

"How long are you going to keep up this tough girl act?" She teased playfully as she tucked a stray stand of hair behind Paige's ear.

_As long as you make me feel the way that you do._

"Well anyway, I just wanted to say good night."

With that she leaned down and placed a gently kiss on Paige's cheek. It wasn't desperate like their first kiss or suggestive like their playful flirting. It was just Emily being Emily and Paige being Paige. Broken. Lost. Alone. Together.

"Good night, Fields."

Emily rose from the bed and made her way to the door, turning the handle and starting out.

"Oh and Paige?" She paused turning toward the girl in her bed. "Stop calling me Fields."

They offered each other an understanding smile and parted ways.

Each girl fell asleep to the revelation that loving someone isn't merely an obstacle to be overcome.

_It's the answer on the other side._


	3. Chapter 3

Again, your support and your comments have been so wonderful. I recently started watching 10 Things I Hate About You on netflix… and can I just say… Lindsey Shaw is AMAZING! Besides being an extremely talented actress, she has a certain sexiness that I will be bringing to Paige's character.

However, I read a HollywoodLife interview with Shaw where she said this of her character, "She's going to explore this avenue with Emily, sometimes voluntarily and other times with a lot of resistance and fear. She goes back and forth between opening herself up to the experience and then reverting back to 'How can I do this? This isn't who I am.' We get to watch her struggle with that. … You're going to feel how deep the emotion is and how much they grow to care for each other."

So, I'm guessing this means that Shaw is going to be around for more episodes than her original 3ep arc. Additionally, I'm going to attempt to stay true her description of Paige's emotions… and we'll see where the show, and my story, go from there…

* * *

Emily awoke to the disturbing feeling of someone shaking her.

"Em, Sweetie, wake up. Are you ok? Why are you sleeping on the couch?"

The young girl slowly rolled over and squinted against the morning sun flooding in the window behind her mother.

"Mom… please don't freak out."

"Why would I freak out, Emily?" Her mother's voice was inquisitive but extremely stern.

She sat up from her position on the couch and took a deep breath, stalling the conversation about to come.

"Mom, I know you think Paige is like her father, but she's not. We spent some time talking last night, and I think we at least need to try to understand her, ok?" She paused, waiting for her mother to interrupt. When Pam nodded her on, she continued, "And I was going to take her home, but I just couldn't do it. Her dad is awful, and I just wanted her to feel safe for one night. So I let her sleep in my bed… are you mad?"

"I guess we still have a lot to talk about this afternoon." With that, Emily's mom stood up and walked towards the kitchen. However, before she disappeared through the door she stopped and addressed her daughter.

"Why don't you go wake her up… I'll make you girls some pancakes for breakfast."

Emily couldn't hide the smile that crept onto her face. _Maybe she does care._

When she reached the stop of the stairs, Emily heard the water in the shower come to an abrupt stop. She slipped into her room to grab some things before Paige needed back in. Distracted by her attempts to locate her favorite tshirt in the dresser, Emily failed to notice the bathroom door open until she heard the bedroom door close behind her.

Emily turned towards the door while speaking, "Sorry Paige, I just had to grab a few things…" but when she saw the girl, a low gasp slipped off her lips.

The beautiful redhead stood frozen in her place, dripping wet hair, clothed in nothing but an undersized, off-white towel and a blush flooding her cheeks.

"Wow."

It took Paige a second to realize that Emily was staring, but when she did, her defenses immediately went up.

"Hey Fields, why don't you take a picture. It'll last longer." The words immediately brought a wave of disappointment over the two girls.

_And I thought we were making progress._

"Right, well…my mom is making pancakes for breakfast. Help yourself to my clothes. I'll meet you downstairs." With that Emily turned and walked out of the room, leaving a conflicted girl cowering in her wake. Paige let out the breath she didn't know that she was holding.

"Shit."

* * *

Emily was pissed, and her breakfast was the unfortunate recipient of her nasty attitude.

_I'm sorry if I was staring at her… but SHE did kiss ME. I can't help it if I find her attractive…half naked… soaking wet… stop it, Emily Fields! Get yourself together!_

"Emily sweetie, the pig's already dead… you don't have to keep stabbing it."

The girl waited for her mother to turn back to the stove before she rolled her eyes. As she shifted her assault from the sausage to the pancakes, Paige gently slipped into the room behind her.

"Good morning Mrs. Fields."

Emily noticed that the redhead hadn't accepted the offer to peruse her closet, and instead was wearing her clothes from the night before.

Noting the tension between the two girls and her daughter's inability to acknowledge the other girl's presence, Pam Fields responded stoically, "Good morning, Paige. I'm glad you could join us for breakfast. Did you sleep well last night?"

"I did, thank you." She timidly took a seat across from Emily. Emily's mother took a fresh plate out of the cupboard and loaded it up with hot breakfast food.

"Eat up! You swimmers need your energy!" She playfully nudged Paige as she set the plate in front of her, trying her best to offer a genuine smile to the young girl.

_I can't believe she's trying to be nice to her. _For a second Emily considered letting go of their earlier encounter. She knew Paige was hesitant about, well…anything related to Emily, and maybe it would just take some work to break down those walls.

"Wow, thank you. I've never had something like this before…" A hint of sadness from her words left a tingling sensation on the back of Emily's arms.

The older woman was taken aback by the almost inaudible response. "What? Pancakes?"

"No," the girl began, her pause plagued with morose hesitation. "…a home-cooked breakfast."

Not a single breath escaped from the lips of any of the three women now occupying the kitchen.

After a few seconds Paige blurted out, "Whoa listen, I didn't mean to kill the mood or anything. I just really appreciate the breakfast ok?" She knew that she had been caught in a vulnerable position, and Paige desperately hoped that Emily would forgive her long enough to save her from completely falling apart. An olive-colored hand slipped across the table and rested gently on top of hers.

"Well, you're welcome any time. Right mom?"

"Right. Of course." The physical contact between the two girls was alarming to the older woman, but she set aside her prejudicial conclusions and tried to be supportive.

The rest of breakfast was relatively silent. But much like their ride in the car the night before, it wasn't an awkward silence. Emily found it extremely natural to simply coexist in the same space with Paige. When she wasn't blocked by her heartless defenses, Emily felt a sense of ease around the other girl. It was nice.

* * *

The calm silence continued throughout most of the drive back to Paige's house. Emily offered to drive her home and Paige agreed only after the brunette promised to park down the street. They couldn't risk Nick McCullers jumping to indecent conclusions.

After the car was parked safely on the side of the road, Paige made no attempt to exit the vehicle.

"Listen, Emily. I don't know how to thank you for being so nice to me. I really don't deserve it." It broke Emily's heart to hear the other girl being so hard on herself.

"You're just like everyone else, Paige. You deserve to be loved." She turned in her seat to get a better look at the girl who had wrapped her shaking hands around her arms. Emily couldn't take it anymore. She reached over to pull Paige into her arms. But her hasty decision was met with a surprising amount of resistance.

"What the hell are you doing, Fields?"

Something inside of Emily snapped.

"It's called a 'hug'… McCullers! Sometimes people do it when they want to show someone that they care about them. So stop being so pig-headed and let me hug you."

Surprised at the level of passion in the other girl's voice, Paige finally gave up and melted into Emily's arms. Her nostrils were overwhelmed with Emily's natural scent and she turned her head into the crook of the girl's neck, breathing hot breaths directly above her collarbone. The moment was everything that Paige McCullers had dreamed it would be, and she never wanted it to end. But end, it did.

The deep sounds of "Poison and Wine" filled the car, and Paige recognized the ring tone as the song from Emily's CD last night. The girls slowly pulled away so the brunette could fish her phone out of her pocket.

Glancing down, Emily mumbled, "I need to get this..."

Having caught sight of the caller ID Paige's defenses immediately built back up.

"Right… I'll see you in school on Monday, Fields." Her words were dripping with fire.

"Bye," Emily stated curtly, too distracted to notice the disappointment in Paige's eyes.

She watched her friend climb out of the car and slowly walk up the street towards her house, waiting a few seconds before answering her phone.

"Maya! Hi."


	4. Chapter 4

Again, thank you for the wonderful and constructive reviews/confessions of love/marriage proposals… they are all much welcomed.

So I have recently started communicating again with an ex-girlfriend, which means that I'll be treating you to some personal info gently woven into the next couple of chapters. I don't know how true to the story in the show this will end up being, but I'll modify and continue as the show progresses. Maya's response and reasoning will reflect a very similar conversation that I had with my ex about our relationship. I really hope it doesn't offend anyone… that is not my intent. But this is my truth… so please respect it.

It's a short one, but I wanted to fill in "the conversation" with Maya before I continued the story. I hope you all don't hate it. Enjoy the new episode tonight, I'll update tomorrow or Wednesday in response to the new developments.

* * *

Emily Fields sat frozen in the front seat of her prized Toyota. She had yet to move from the spot where she dropped Paige off just a few moments before. Her cell phone, with Maya still on the line, sat trembling in her hand.

"_Emily? Hello? Em, are you there?"_

She snapped out of the reverie caused by her unfortunate circumstance of loving one girl but falling for another.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm here," she responded apologetically. "Hi Sweetie! How are you? I miss you so much…"

"_Em, we need to talk."_ Emily couldn't disguise the disappointed gasp that slipped out of her mouth. No girl ever wanted to hear those four words.

Maya continued, _"They let me call you. It's supposed to be a part of my healing process—"_

"Healing from what?" Emily retorted harshly. _She did not just say that._

"_Emily, please don't get mad at me. I've just... I've changed a lot here…"_ The other girl's words were soft and hopeful, but Emily knew what they meant—this was the end.

"Don't get mad? It's kind of hard to do that when the girl I love is breaking up with me. Wait… let me guess… you fell for someone else…? No, that's not it. Wait, I've got it… you found God, didn't you?" Her words were bitter.

_"Em, please don't be like that."_ There was so much sadness in the girl's voice. _"I've always had spirituality in my life, so it's more like God has found me again."_

Emily shook her head and fought back the tears rapidly filling up her pretty little eyes.

"So, what now? You think being gay is some awful sin now right?" The battle with her tears was lost and warm liquid began to pour down her olive-colored cheeks.

Maya wasn't shocked by the pain and frustration in her girlfriend's voice, but it didn't make it any easier to listen to her cry.

_"I still love you Em, sometimes I think I love your more than life itself, but I realized how much of a problem that is. My life is changing. I'm becoming a better me. You are perfect and you are everything I could have ever asked for, but He's asking me to give you up. I've chosen to follow Him. And I can't give you what you need. I'm so sorry, but I have to do this."_

"You're not making any sense Maya. If you love me, how could you ever leave me? If God is supposedly the creator of love, why would He be asking you to give it up?" Her words were forced out in between sobs. All at once, Emily Fields was losing her grip on reality and slipping deeper and deeper into broken heartedness.

_"I know you don't understand Em, but I hope one day you will. And I hope, in time, you can learn to forgive me. I'm so sorry that it has to happen like this."_

"Please don't do this Maya," she choked out, her voice now barely a whisper, "I promise I'll be a better girlfriend."

_"Em, Sweetie, you were, and always will be, the perfect girlfriend. I'll never forget the things that you taught me. I'll never forget the memories we created. And I will never, ever forget the love that you showed me."_

"Don't leave me," Emily begged, her body shaking with pain.

_"You'll find someone to love you Em, in the way that you deserve… in a way I no longer can. I'll never forget you. Good bye, Emily Fields."_

Emily threw her phone when she heard the click of the line go dead. The world was closing in on her an all she could do was pound her fists on the steering wheel.

"I love her so much. Is that not enough? Am I not good enough to love her?" Emily was now shouting at no one in particular. Then turning her eyes to the ceiling of the car she choked out, "You took her from me! I hate you." Whether this was the fault of some higher Christian deity or the result of a shattered world, Emily would never stop blaming herself. _I'll always love her, even if she doesn't love me back. I promised her that._

Emily wept.

* * *

After fifteen minutes of unrestrained sobbing, an unexplained sense of peach washed over Emily. Taking advantage of this opportunity, the broken girl wiped her eyes, took a deep breath, and started her car. As she passed by Paige's house, Emily slowed down long enough to glance inside the font window. Unshielded by the now open curtains, Nick McCullers could be seen berating his frightened daughter. Emily felt sick. Paige didn't deserve this. _She deserves to be loved._

Watching an unloved Paige made her feel even worse for desperately throwing her love at Maya—only to find it unreturned. _I don't love you but I always will._ The chorus of her favorite song pulled her eyes back to the inside of the car. Maybe it was ok to always have a certain level of love for Maya, but ever since their phone call at the school dance, Emily felt the shorter girl slipping away from her. _Maybe people really do change._

Now halfway back to her own house, Emily had composed herself enough to talk to her mother without completely breaking down. Now was not the time to discuss her recent breakup. For a few days, that would have to wait.

Right now, all that mattered was Paige. _All Paige, all the time._ Emily repeated her new mantra over and over in her head. She knew that the redhead was broken. Maybe she just needed a friend. Or maybe, something more was destined to come out of it. Regardless of the outcome, Emily knew one thing. _I have to protect my heart._ But maybe, just maybe she would get the chance to protect Paige's heart too.

_Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise_  
_I don't have a choice but I still choose you_


	5. Chapter 5

Oh, my lovely readers, how I love your dedication to this story. I hope I am giving you everything that you want. My apologies for the long wait between updates; classes have been demanding this week. Also, I have some bad news. This story will end after the 6th chapter. My last chapter should be posted Sunday. Here's my reasoning: if the story on the show is pleasing to me, I like to mold my fanfiction around it. After watching the two promo clips between Emily and Paige for this upcoming week, I'm extremely excited about where the writers are taking the relationship, and I want to stay true to that. So, I'll be wrapping up this story before Monday night's episode. Here's the good news: I'll probably be starting a new story after episode 19. Yay!

Side note: I have decided to not write "the conversation" between Emily and her mom because, while it is an extremely important part of the narrative, I'd like to focus the remaining chapters on Emily and Paige. Also, I try to avoid heavy dialogue in my writing because it can get monotonous. But, between the last chapter and this one, they did have that discussion. So, while I won't be writing it into the story, I will be alluding to it.

* * *

She watched as the dark shadows danced methodically across the living room ceiling, appearing and disappearing with every passing car. She equated the shadows to the people in her life: Allison, her father, and now… Maya. _Everybody just floats in and out of your life as they please._

Emily had yet to move from her spot on the couch, which she had occupied for the duration of the afternoon's conversation with her mother. Pam Fields was an exhausting woman, and the young girl found it impossible to manifest enough energy to relocate to her bedroom. Her breakup with Maya had been inevitable and so was her mother's opinionated discussion of it. Somehow Pam had eventuated on the conclusion that maybe Maya broke up with her daughter because Emily was gay, and the young girl couldn't even find the energy to disagree or even point out the obvious absurdity of it. So, she just nodded her head. For three hours all she did was nod. An occasional "mmhmm" could be heard, but for the most part Emily just listened. When the discussion transitioned to "McCullersgate," as Emily referred to it, she only withdrew further. There was no need to say anything and risk admitting that Paige had kissed her. The room was tense enough as it was. By the time Pam had rushed out of the house, late for her Sunday evening spinning class, Emily was drained.

And so there she sat, in the dark, watching the ceiling, staring at the morose representations of her abandonment issues. Grabbing her phone, Emily dragged herself off the couch and made her way up to her bedroom. The oversized mattress sank under the weight of her tired body enveloping her in the comforter. After staring at her phone for five minutes and after countless drafts, Emily finally sent a text to Paige.

"_Do you want to come over? I'd like to see you."_

Her response was almost immediate. "I can't…"

"_Oh, ok. Sorry."_ Emily was thankful that her sigh of disappointment couldn't be heard through the text message.

"_No, it's ok. My dad is just pissed that I didn't come home last night."_

"_I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get you into trouble."_

"_No, it's fine…really. I'd rather be spending my time with you any day." _The young girl couldn't stop the shiver of excitement that crept up her spine.

"_Coffee tomorrow after school?"_

"_I'd like that."_

"_Me too. Good night, Paige."_

"_Good night, Fields." _Emily smiled and set her phone down on the night table. Just as she was climbing off her bed, the phone produced a familiar chime.

"_Good night, *Emily."_

The walls were finally coming down. Emily danced across the room, her shadow floating closely behind. Could this possibly be the beginning of something great? As she allowed herself to be swept away in a reverie of fantastical aspirations, Emily failed to notice the doorbell ring. The bedroom door cracked open and a familiar face peaked inside, only momentarily startling the girl.

"Hanna Banana!" She exclaimed as she threw her arms around the blond.

"Whoa there Captain Excited, you mind stepping down from your cloud for a second?" Hanna grinned at the clearly ecstatic girl. "Seriously Em, I have an important question for you." Emily couldn't help but giggle at the ridiculousness of her friend's expressions.

"Sure, Han, what's up?"

"Sooo…" she began slowly. "I passed you while I was out driving today with my mom. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure I saw Paige McCullers in your passenger seat. I thought we hated her?"

Emily grinned at the mention of the other girl's name.

"No, Han, we do not hate her. In fact…"

"Whoa, hold the phone," she interrupted, "What are you saying here, Em? Are you saying what I think you're saying? Because I think you're saying—"

"All I'm _saying_ is that maybe we got some things wrong about her. And I can let you know for sure after our coffee date tomorrow." As the words fell from Emily's mouth she instantly wished they could be pull back in.

"Uh, Emily Fields… again, correct me if I'm mistaken, but isn't it wrong to go on a date with someone when you're already seeing someone else?"

"Yeah, about that…" She had yet to tell the girls about her breakup with her girlfriend. "Maya and I called it a quits this morning."

Hanna immediately called Aria and Spencer and placed the phone on speaker between her and Emily on the bed.

"Alright guys, Em has something she needs to tell us."

The three girls listened as Emily explained the conversation that she had earlier with Maya. However, she strategically left out the part that revolved around her and Paige. It wasn't that she didn't want to tell the girls, it just wasn't her story to tell. Emily had to respect Paige and the timeline that she needed to work through this. As Aria offered her words of comfort, Emily shot pleading glances to Hanna begging her to keep quiet about her privileged information. Obliging, she casual ended the call with their other two friends and addressed the brunette, "Are we going to talk about this?"

"What? About Maya? I thought we just did." Emily avoided the glare Hanna sent her way.

"C'mon Em, you know I'm not going to judge you. So what if Emily-dating-Maya becomes Emily-dating-Paige…"

"Hanna! We're not dating! We're just," she hesitated, "I don't know. We're just trying something, ok?" The shorter girl nodded her on.

"We just need some time to figure out what's going on, but I promise, when she's ok with it, I'll fill you in on all the details. Alright?" Rising to hug her friend good bye for the night, Hanna agreed to trust Emily and keep quiet about her little secret.

"I just don't want you getting hurt Em. I care about you ok?" Her words were oozing with sincerity, and Emily couldn't help but smile at the continuous support that Hanna gave her.

"I promise I'll take care of myself." The answer was sufficient for Hanna, so she smiled at Emily and let herself out, leaving Emily to, once again, float away into thoughts about the day to come.

* * *

Minutes seemed like hours, and seconds seemed like days. Her mind was all sorts of messed up as she watched the clock tick closer and closer until her desired time.

The morning had begun with all of the excitement of a first date. Emily had picked out the perfect outfit that showed just enough cleavage but covered just enough skin, but after silently cursing herself for being so vain, she opted for her favorite band tee, tight jeans, and her leather jacket. Staring in the mirror all she could think was _Is this too gay?_ The brunette wasn't trying to seduce Paige, and she wasn't trying to prove anything to her, so why was she trying so hard? Frustrated with her own confusion, Emily left her 'badass' outfit on and drove to school.

Now, sitting in the last period of the day, Emily felt like she was going to throw up her over-processed and under-cooked cafeteria lunch. Her excitement had turned to nerves and Emily was scared out of her mind. _What the hell is wrong with me? It's just coffee. Pull it_ _together Emily Fields._ Her little pep talk was rudely interrupted by the school bell signaling the end of her waiting. The school day was over, but Emily's day was really just beginning. If ever, now was the time to get nervous.

Most of the walk out to the parking lot was a blur. They had agreed to meet at Emily's car and drive together to the coffee shop, but the reality of the situation didn't hit her until she saw Paige casually leaning against the metal frame of her Toyota. She looked beautiful. _I've never seen her like this before._ Paige's hair was pulled back slightly revealing well-defined facial features and her infamous smirk. Her skirt was shorter than Emily expected, and her legs were longer than Emily had remembered. The outfit was finished off with a tight black shirt and boots to match. _Just keep yours eyes off of her body, Emily Fields._

They slipped casually into the car without saying a word and headed towards their destination. Paige was the first to break the silence.

"How was your day sweetie?" She smirked at Emily playfully.

"Fine, Dear. How was yours?" The girl easily slipped into the flirtatious role-play.

"It's better now." Paige smiled as she subconsciously dropped out of character. The rest of the trip harbored a familiar and comfortable silence, but when the Emily parked the car, Paige spoke up.

"Hey why don't we get our coffee to go? There's somewhere I want to take you." Emily nodded in understanding and the two girls ordered their drinks.

Under Paige's thorough instructions, they eventually found themselves in a parking lot on a hill outside of town. Emily parked the car and made her way over to the passenger side of the car.

"So, what are we doing here?" Her impatience brought a grin to the other girl's face.

"Just come with me," Paige responded as she laced her fingers through Emily's hand and grabbed her coffee with the other. The two girls walked hand in hand across the street and down a trail before they reached the tree line. The sight before her took Emily's breath away. Through the trees sat a bench overlooking the entire town of Rosewood.

"It's beautiful," Emily gasped, surveying her surroundings.

"I like to bike up here in the summer to just sit and ponder life. I'd like to think that nobody else knows about it. You know, sort of like it's 'my spot' or something." Emily understood the implications of Paige's actions. She was finally letting someone in. She was taking a risk on Emily, but the rewards urged her on.

The girls took a seat side by side on the bench careful not to touch each other. There was still a lot of uncertainty between them and neither wanted to scare the other away. Yet as their conversations carried on, Emily had managed to inch closer and closer to Paige until they were once again holding hands. This was a new feeling for Paige. Emily's was unlike any hand she had ever held before. It was soft and loving. It was careful and safe. Paige was disappointed when Emily pulled her hand away, but was thoroughly surprised by the feeling of Emily's arm on the bench behind her.

As the sun began to drop, the temperature followed, and their warm coffee was long gone. It was now close to sunset and a cool breeze had reached the top of the hillside causing Paige to subconsciously shift as Emily pulled her closer into her arms.

"It's typically not this cold when I come up here in the summer."

"Hmm… I know what can make us warmer." Emily snickered as she watched Paige comprehend the overt sexual innuendo in the comment.

"Cute, Em." She rested her head on the girls shoulder.

"I'm kind of serious, Paige." Emily pulled back slightly to look into the other girl's eyes then leaned in closer and tilted her head to the side. A soft hand pushed a stray piece of Paige's hair away from her face.

"You deserve a much better first kiss, Paige McCullers. I'd like to make up for my 'lack of participation' during the last one. If you'd let me, that is." The redhead's breathing hitched as she felt Emily blow a cool stream across her neck behind her ear. Leaning closer to the other girl, Paige could hear Emily wet her lips. It was hard to tell if she was shivering because of the chilled air or the fact that Emily had shifted her head and placed a gentle kiss directly on her cheek.

"Emily, my breath smells like coffee." Paige's words were nothing short of a mumble as she desperately tried to maintain control, but Emily knew that she wouldn't be able to hold back much longer

"Yeah I know. So does mine, but I think it's really sexy." The brunette was now just mere centimeters from Paige's lips. Each breath filled her nose with intoxicating scents.

"Wait, what?" Paige nervously pulled back with a confused expression. "You think coffee breath is sexy?" She began talking faster as her nerves took over and doubts started to fill her mind. "That's actually kind of weird. Maybe you have some sort of—"

"Paige! Stop talking, ok? I know what you're doing." She grinned nervously as Emily voiced her frustrations.

"Well then quit teasing and just kiss me alrea—" Before Paige could even finish her sentence Emily had captured the other girl's mouth in her own and began to kiss her with every ounce of emotion in her body. The attraction between them was undeniable, and their kisses left nothing to be desired from either girl. What began as slow and sensual quickly became fiery and uncontrollable as the two girls battled for dominance. Out of sheer need for oxygen, their unexpected make-out session slowly began to even out into gentle kisses. Eventually, Emily pulled back and placed a soft kiss on the tip of Paige's nose, never removing her hand from the girl's cheek. Leaning into her touch, Paige looked away in shy embarrassment. She had never been this intimate with anyone before, but the feelings inside her were overwhelmingly beautiful.

They had kissed right through the sunset, and the stars were just beginning to peak through the night sky.

"So, how was your _new_ first kiss?"

"You won't hear any complaints out of me." Paige's smile was infectious, and Emily conjured up all of her self-control to keep her from throwing the girl down on the bench and kissing her silly.

The two girls stood up and walked hand in hand back the car. While they both wished the night could continue, Emily knew that it was time to take Paige home. Their hands remained entwined throughout the entire ride back into Rosewood as they, once again, enjoyed the silence of simply being in each other's presence. Parking in the same spot down the street as the day before, Emily regretted having to send Paige home. The other girl smiled at her and whispered a good night before turning towards the car door.

"Paige, wait." Pulling her back towards the driver's side, Emily placed a loving kiss on Paige's lips.

"Good night," she whispered into her ear. Paige didn't even try to hide the dopey grin on her face as she climbed out of the car.

She took her time walking down the street and up her front steps. There was nothing or no one waiting for her in her house. Sure her father had probably spent the entire day preparing another lecture, but Paige couldn't care less about what he had to say to her tonight.

She had kissed Emily Fields, and Emily Fields had kissed her back.

_A lot._


	6. Chapter 6

Well my dear friends, loyal readers, and much-welcomed visitors, this is the final chapter, the end of the road, the grand finale. It would have been done sooner but I was too preoccupied with celebrating my birthday (It's Monday, so PLL better be good) and oogling all the pretty ladies at the Oscars

Anyway, thank you so much for traveling this road with me. I will see you again soon. Enjoy! And please, tell someone that you love him or her today.

* * *

She watched as the sun crept through the curtains and threw glistening streams across the head of brunette hair beside her.

_Wow, she really is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen._

Emily's eyes were shut loosely, and Paige feared they could snap open at any second, catching her in a state of unrestrained admiration.

"Take a picture. It'll last longer." Emily smirked without opening her eyes, but after a moment of silence she quickly checked her friend's reaction. What she saw broke her heart.

"Paige, I'm just teasing," she pleaded, leaning up to place a gentle kiss on the other girl's lips. Lying back down on her carpet, Emily added, "I actually really like it when you look at me like that. It makes me feel beautiful." Paige couldn't hide the blush that flushed over her cheeks.

"Em, I look at you that way because you are. You're beautiful." She smiled down at the other girl, desperately trying to keep her fingers from reaching out and stroking her cheek. Giving in, she tucked a strand of hair behind Emily's ear. They allowed a comfortable silence to sweep over them and took the opportunity to look at each other in the eyes. It was Thursday night, Pam Fields was out of the house for her monthly PTA meeting, and this was the first time since their date Monday that Emily and Paige had a chance to be alone together. Yet, right now, Paige was regretting their 'aloneness.' Sure, she loved spending time with Emily. In fact, she would spend every minute with the beautiful girl if she could, but there was something different about her tonight. It wasn't a _bad_ different; it was just beginning to make her uneasy. Jumping up from her spot on the floor and grabbing her water bottle on the bed, Paige threw a glance over her shoulder.

"So, what do you want to do tonight?" She turned before she could see the grin form on Emily's face.

"Make out with my suuuper hot girlfriend." The brunette couldn't help but giggle at the boldness of her own voice. Not receiving the reaction she was hoping for, Emily sprung to her feet and tentatively approached Paige.

"Hey, I was kidding. Well, sort of. But it's fine. If you're not comfortable with the affection, it's okay. We can slow down." Her words were unrehearsed and desperate. Paige took a step away from her friend and glanced at the bedroom door.

"Emily, listen—I really like you. Like, _really_ like you. But I'm just not so sure I'm ready for this whole 'girlfriend' thing." After a short pause, she continued, "Can't we just, you know, stick with being friends for a while?"

The brunette felt her heart break as her voice caught in her throat. Struggling to hold back a sob, she whispered softly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"No, it's not that, Em." Paige began to mentally beat herself up for such a stupid mistake. _Why am I holding back? I'm so stupid. _"This is why I hate myself."

"What?" Glancing up from the floor, the young girl realized what she had just said out loud.

"That was supposed to be in my head…"

Emily took a soft step towards the other girl, reaching out for her hand.

"Em, don't. Listen, I'm just going to leave. This got pretty awkward." With that, Paige grabbed her jacket off the end of the bed and rushed towards the door.

"Paige, wait. Please don't run away from me." Emily's words were now pleading with her. "Can we please talk about this?"

"I'm sorry." Before any objections could be made, Paige was out the door, down the steps, and through the front door.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Emily allowed a single tear to trail down her cheek, tracing a path where Paige's finger had rested a mere five minutes ago.

* * *

The next day at school was torturous for both girls. They had awkwardly avoided each other three times already and every one around Emily was starting to pick up on it.

"Hey, Em, I know this food is shitty, but you don't have to get angry at it," Hanna joked, making reference to Emily's physical assault on her cafeteria pasta.

"What?" The swimmer had been focused on tracking Paige's movements across the open room.

"Yeah, seriously, Em. What's going on with you today? Yesterday you were all 'enthralled with the ecstasy of an embryonic romance' and today it's all 'throes of passion.' So, what gives?"

"Spencer! English, please. I left my thesaurus in my other pants." Hanna interrupted the girl and added an exaggerated eye role for effect. Mocking an impressed look, Spencer went on the defensive. Joking with Hanna Marin was like child's play.

"Whoa, someone's using her big girl words today. I'll give you five points for the use of a multi-syllabic word, but I'm taking four away because I'm pretty sure you were looking for 'dictionary,' not 'thesaurus'."

"No one likes a smart ass, Spence." Hanna shot a playful smirk at her friend.

"Guys!" Aria's small voice pulled them out of their banter. Nodding towards a quiet and very distant Emily, all of their attention was immediately back to their friend.

"Em? Do you want to talk about it?" Hanna's question was soft but still inquisitive, and Emily cringed at the sudden pressure she felt from her friends.

Ignoring the questioning looks, Emily continued to scan the crowd for Paige. Just as she was about to give up, her eyes connected with an all-too-familiar set staring intensely back at her. She grabbed her bag and stood up, never breaking contact with the other girl.

"Hey I forgot that there's—something—that I have to do. I'll talk to you guys later."

The other three girls watched as their friend abandoned them, clearly frustrated by something.

* * *

As Emily paced the hallway outside the cafeteria, she silently made bets on how long it would take for Paige to follow her out. Cursing herself for assuming that the other girl would even have the courage to do such a thing, Emily turned toward the building exit. _Like hell I'm going to stay in this place any longer_. Just as she took her first steps, a forceful voice appeared from behind her.

"Emily, wait." She couldn't bring herself to turn around and see the hurt in Paige's eyes, but she did momentarily stop walking.

"The problem is, McCullers, I'm not sure what I'm waiting for any more." She hadn't noticed Paige approaching until she felt a cold hand on her arm spinning her around.

"Emily, don't call me that." She was standing so close to Emily that her heart could be heard beating through her chest. "I feel loved just hearing you use my name. Don't ruin it by pushing me away."

"I'm not the one pushing us apart," Emily spat back. Despite the glare emanating from the brunette's eyes, Paige moved even closer; her lips were now just and inch from the other girl's. For a moment, Emily considered giving in, she considered sweeping Paige off her feet and driving them far out of town. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't throw her heart out there to be trampled on—again.

"Careful, Paige, you don't want people to think that we're going out or anything." With those harsh words she spun around and retreated to the girls restroom. She wouldn't let herself drive home in this state. Emily was expecting Paige to be upset, but she wasn't expected the girl to follow her into the bathroom. Standing at the mirror, Emily watched Paige's reflection slowly approach her.

"Em, don't be like that. Please, don't be mad at me. I'm just—I'm not like you. I'm not as brave as you are."

Grabbing Emily's face between her hands, Paige begged the other girl to listen. She always had such a hard time speaking the truth, but if she didn't give Emily her all right now, she knew there was a chance she could lose her forever. Taking a deep breath, Paige opened up her heart for the first time in her life.

"Emily, I want to be with you, but first, I want to become the person that you deserve. I want to be better, more loving. I want to figure out what it takes for me to be the person that can be with you properly. Because, the truth is—I love you, Emily Fields. I've loved you since the day I met you. And if I screw this up, if I jump into the water before I know how to swim, I'll surely sink. I might even drag you down too. So please, _please _be patient with me. I need some time—I don't want to sink. I just want to be able to trust myself with loving you."

Kissing the palm of her hand, Emily threw her arms around Paige's waist and lifted her into an embrace.

"Thank you, Paige," Emily mumbled into the other girl's neck. Paige drew back and looked as deeply as she could into the girl's eyes.

"For what?"

After an extended pause, Emily leaned in until her mouth was directly beside Paige's ear.

"For loving me."

Paige pressed their lips together, smiling into the kiss. Pulling her back into an embrace, Emily grinned at the girl's next words.

"I can't wait to be your girlfriend, Emily Fields."

**I Love You**


End file.
